Thursday, January 29, 2009

Junk in the Tunk: Splenda with Fiber

We are a nation of people who can't poop. How do I know this? Because I'm inundated with commercials for things like Benefiber and yogurt commercials staring Jamie Lee Curtis proclaiming the benefits of active cultures for your colon. I'm also pretty sure that at least 25% of the people I know complain about one of the following symptoms of IBS: cramping, not pooping for days, etc. Ew.

Now, I was okay when the LiveActive Danon yogurts came out, because that shit was naturally occuring. They weren't necessarily pumping the bacterial cultures in there. However, I did start to scratch my head whenever they came out with FiberOne Yogurt, which claimed to have 5 grams of fiber per serving. Call me a purist, but cows milk doesn't have fucking fiber in it! It's not naturally occuring. Do Americans have such a shitty diet that they have to start pumping extra fiber into stuff that it doesn't even occur in??

Other stuff was soon to follow. Bread with extra added fiber. Whatever. Special K water with both protein and fiber. Crystal Ligh even jumped on the LiveActive bandwagon. Holy crap! No pun intended.

Now the latest in a laundry list of shit mixed with other shit - behold, Splenda with Fiber!!!



First of all, splenda (or sucralose) isn’t even a naturally occurring substance. It’s synthetic. Now, the geniuses over in Splendaland decided that it wasn’t artificial enough, so they pumped fiber into it. There is no way in hell that fiber naturally occurs in Splenda. Oh well. Hopefully splenda with fiber in your morning coffee (a laxative) will finally get things moving along. Good morning America!!!

Now go eat a vegetable or a piece of fruit for crying out loud!

1 comment:

  1. As a frequent pooper (aside from a string cheese related incident)I am terrified of this idea. Is it really that hard to poop or do people need to feel better about their pooping? Maybe it's feeling like they are getting more bang for their buck if their cereal is pumped full of fiber and GHB? Grab some Starbucks and a cig like the rest of America!

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